Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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