Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
