well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
