I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
