A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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