At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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