after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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