He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
