Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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