At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i think my cat just said my name.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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