I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
