shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Is that strawberry winking at me??
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
