well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
