bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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