Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize