you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
