We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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