we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize