worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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