The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
COCAINE IS GR8
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