I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
