I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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