U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
MIDGETS
????
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
