Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The beer is more important than you right now.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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