I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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