You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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