Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
