i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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