Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
