my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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