Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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