What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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