But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
