she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
