the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
