I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
