Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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