sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
