If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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