Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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