Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
