there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
