I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize