I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
