you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
