Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
