I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
pray to the hookup gods
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
