My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
