Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
