Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
