I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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