I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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