Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
