Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
