1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize